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Which means it's both ultimatum and bluff-calling time.So long as your husband thinks he can dictate terms by pointing to his triggers and his trauma, GMHC, he has every incentive to continue being triggered and traumatized. Not one-night-stand scenarios, but longer-term connections. These have included what turned into a one-year affair with a single woman, a three-year affair with a close friend of my wife, a seven-month affair with a married coworker, and now a fairly serious four-months-and-counting relationship with a woman who approached me on Instagram. I love her, we get along great, and the sex is good—if I wasn't such a lying piece of shit, you could even say we make a pretty good team. Instead, women who knew I was in an "exclusive" relationship have approached me.The tragedy is how unnecessary your choices have been.There are women out there who aren't interested in monogamy, there are female cuckolds out there (cuckqueans) who want cheating husbands, and there are masochistic women (and men) out there who get off on the thought of being with a person who would like to crush them. We met in college and, except for a six-month break, we've been together ever since.
People are often way more resilient than we give them credit for, and convincing ourselves that our partners can't handle the truth is often a convenient justification for lying to them. While my husband had jealousy and trust issues, he hooked up with others regularly.Or maybe you're the wrong kind of sadist: the un-self-aware emotional sadist.You say you love your wife, but you also say she'd be crushed—destroyed—if she discovered what you've been doing.After trying some new arrangements—only together, only at sex parties, DADT—he realized he wasn't comfortable with any situation.He told our therapist that every time I hooked up with someone, he was retraumatized because it reminded him of the time I broke up with him for six months 20 years ago.